I honestly dreaded watching the second half of this event as I wasn’t terribly impressed by the first night and there was almost nothing on this card that intrigued me. But to be a completionist and to determine whether or not I would continue to write up future WWE shows, I decided to endure as much as I could stomach. Also, I wanted to see how well my predictions held up on Night 2 as my Night 1 predictions were off.
Iyo Sky vs Bianca Belair vs Rhea Ripley
So the Women’s World Championship started this show off. My comment for the previous show was that we no longer have matches but performances. This was not a wrestling match in the traditional sense. First, it was another multi-woman (triple threat) which meant just people dancing around and bouncing. So it’s more about setup and being in the right spot rather than telling a story. The story they wanted to tell was that Iyo Sky was being ignored by Bianca and Rhea, who truthfully are more interesting as singles opponents than tossing in Iyo who probably got the slot due to being respected and liked in the back. However, that story fell off within 10 seconds as they just went into motion and didn’t stop for the match. Since people seem to respond to performances and people bouncing around, the crowd believed that this was good. For me I got bored because there was no drama and nothing that really hooked me. But that pretty much summarizes modern wrestling and what would entail the rest of this show.
Anyway, Iyo won by pinning Bianca. The crowd cheered her. I suppose me from 1996 – 2003 or so would’ve loved seeing Iyo win. However, I’m not convinced of her ability to hold an actual good match. Then again I’m convinced few people can do good matches anymore. Regardless, I’m 0-1 so far on this night.
Damian Priest vs Drew McIntyre
This was some sort of no DQ brawl/street fight nonsense match. Worse yet Damian Priest came out to Kerry King guitar farting. I’m not joking. His guitar sounded like my anus after a typical Taco Bell run. Him playing nonsense before the band started up made me realize that the real talent in Slayer has always been Dave Lombardo and Tom Araya (mostly the unholy vocals). But I read some funny comments on reddit where people would call this diarrhea metal. Then your typical Slayer Boiz said this stuff ruled. They’re probably the same morons who like all the hardcore garbage. But that was a dogshit performance especially when you compare to last night’s Living Colour performance.
Anyway, this match was brutal. I felt bad for Drew. He did one of those Future Shock type of DDTs on the metal steps in the ring. Pretty sure he took the brunt of the damage but you could see that his back might’ve gotten sliced from that move. The guy is really talented but he shouldn’t have to resort to stupid things like that. At some point, Priest setup a chair in the corner which came into play when his face got caught in that spot and Drew hit a Claymore with Priest’s head getting rammed through the chair in the corner. Right guy won and I really hope they de-push Priest because I think he sucks, I’m writing him off. Put him in the mid-card feuding with Jacob Fatu and Bron Breakker for the US Title or something and get Drew out of this shitty feud and back into the main event. That guy deserves far better. But I did call it here and now am 1-1.
Bron Breakker vs Penta vs Finn Balor vs Dominik Mysterio
This was for the IC title. I’m fed up with multi-mans. But they’re just used to disguise the situation and beef up the number of participants who can earn a pay day. But this match had a few bright spots. Mostly, anytime Bron did something whether it was a feat of strength, speed and agility. I’m not sold on Penta though. Finn probably was the internal glue to this while Dominik was the oddball out. I think you could see it from a mile away what was going to happen and people over on reddit called it when Dominik screwed Balor out of the title by pinning him. Dominik got a nice pop from the crowd but I think those seeds had been planted. Bron losing was fine to me because I’m hoping that he gets drafted to Smackdown so he can feud with Jacob Fatu. This was my choice for the ending making it 2-1.
Randy Orton vs Joe Hendry
This originally was going to be Orton vs Kevin Owens. Because of how the WWE and Kevin Owens operates, I thought there could be a tiny chance Kevin Owens was trolling but he actually is out for a while I guess. To try and make this match special, the announcers hyped that this was Randy Orton’s 20th WrestleMania. So who did he receive as an opponent? Why that bottom feeding cesspool of a promotion called TNA’s Joe Hendry.
Let’s be honest here. This was a fucking squash match. Joe Hendry got a few poses but he did almost nothing. The match barely lasted long enough to take a bathroom break and Randy double RKO’d this guy to make Joe Hendry, the TNA champion, look like shit. I mean, you want to talk about burying not just this guy but the promotion itself, this is how you do it. I’m sure Joe Hendry was super excited because he’s probably a mark like a lot of these guys these days and got a payoff as well as stand around with his dumb ass pose in front of the crowd but the WWE just took a massive fecal drop on that promotion. Not that I really cared ever since Dixie Carter fucked that thing up in bringing in Hogan and Bischoff but at this stage the WWE might as well just go and buy that promotion out as well and make it into a feeder company. But this was dogshit. As for my prediction, I didn’t have Randy on my list so I’m not going to give this any points.
AJ Styles vs Logan Paul
Logan Paul is the only “real” heel in pro-wrestling (well, maybe Travis Scott but that’s a different story). Anytime Logan Paul enters my screen, I fast forward him as quickly as possible and/ignore anything he does. Unfortunately, I felt some obligation to check this match out with AJ Styles because I like AJ Styles. However, I knew exactly how this match would turn out. Even with that sense of duty, I couldn’t stomach this match. I got bored quickly and just saw the finish on reddit. Of course, you know whom won and I felt bad for AJ at this of his career. He’s still far more talented than the bulk of the roster and probably one of the legit better wrestlers they have but he’s in the Natalya mode as his career is in the sunset. But I’m 3-1 for tonight.
Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez vs Lyra Valkyria and Becky Lynch
My original prediction was based on two premises: one that Bayley would be Lyra’s partner and that this would be the opener. Then I read how plans changed and that this would be the actual match. Supposedly, poor Bayley got attacked in the back so Lyra needed to find a new partner. Since Becky got stiffed for a comeback at the Royal Fumble, this was her turn to make a major comeback. Unlike Charlotte though, Becky is still very much loved by the crowd. So that swung the momentum more in Lyra’s favor.
This match was short but sloppy. Becky obviously has a lot of ring rust and she looks like she hasn’t worked out in a while. Lyra looked like a Smurf exploded on her head as she stuck her finger in a light socket. She was obviously overjoyed in teaming with her idol so hopefully she learns and does a hell of a lot better than Tiffany did with Charlotte. There was a few moments where I couldn’t tell if Becky or Raquel were off. I want to like Raquel but she needs to learn how to wrestle like a big person. She tries to move too fast and is awkward trying to keep up. A lot of WWE people have that issue (not just women). Becky got the pin on Liv which made Lyra a two belt holder.
A few comments here. One, I felt kinda bad for Liv and Raquel. Honestly, Liv really won me over this past year. I hate the idea of transitional champions but that is what Liv and Raquel were. Very frustrating for them. Becky coming back for Lyra I read rubbed a lot of people in the back the wrong way. It sounds like people were mad for Bayley because of all the effort she put into the last few weeks. But let’s be real here and point out that she’s been on a clear losing streak and has been positioned to help people in the women’s division get over (aka the Natalya role). So if Lyra was going to be the actual target for elevation here, Bayley is clearly the wrong person to be in that position because she has not been programmed to win anything important in a long time.
Becky winning the tag team titles with Lyra felt bad too just because Becky is a top name star. I read she wanted to come back if the booking was right. Some people might think she’s doing the “That doesn’t work for me, brother!” Hogan thing. But Becky is there kinda like if Tsuruta would team up with say a young Misawa to get the tag titles. She adds credibility to Lyra because she’s actually a top star. However, to me she’s not really a tag team person. She’s better off when she’s solo and talking trash. So I think being in this position doesn’t really help Lyra because Lyra is not good. Maybe the WWE braintrust believe she might get experience being associated with Becky but Becky is a very special performer. Lyra is just a mark and you can tell in the way she behaves in the ring. There’s nothing that cries out top star when you look at her. I might sound harsh but compare Lyra to Jade Cargill. Even if Jade can’t move as fast or pull off flips like Lya, Jade is a real specimen and her feats of strength the other night are rare. Tell me which person had the star making performance even if neither match was good. Also, Becky returning I think disqualifies me taking the hit for my prediction.
Cody Rhodes vs John Cena
For the Undisputed title. The big question for me was whether the “Soul Man” the Rock would show up and do something to take Cody’s soul. Well, I think whoever booked that shit ending took everyone’s soul right from them. That said, before that shit ending started up, the actual match wasn’t bad. I read people complaining about Cena and being slow, etc. Let’s talk about Cody not selling. Guy just pops up and hits moves like nothing happened. Maybe the most impressive thing for me was seeing Cena doing a 2nd rope F-U (I refuse to call it whatever name they’ve changed it to; this one is far more fitting). At one point, Cena tried his You Can’t See Me Five Knuckle Shuffle for which Cody jabbed Cena in the face to disrupt the move. That got me a laugh.
Then that horrid ending came with the little shit Travis Scott sauntered slower than a Japanese oyaji trying to cross a street in Tokyo to the ring. Just took fucking forever to get down there. Then Cody and Travis had a bunch of banter where Travis tried to get another swing in but Cody blocked him and took him down for a Cross Roads. That got a pop but for the most part, the crowd was against Cody here. Part of it was that they knew this was Cena’s last WM match so they wanted to see Cena do his stuff. The referee would get knocked down a few times in this match. Towards the end, Cena and Cody had a really lame tug of war with the belt for which Cody ripped it away. Then Cena did something very un-Cena like where he begged Cody off before nut shotting Cody. To be honest, that’s the only thing Cody shouldn’t be selling because Cody has no balls. But just to make sure, Cena clocked Cody cold with the belt and got the referee to count to three.
So I had no issue with Cena winning this time around. I’ve been very vocal about thinking how Cody just sucks at being a champion. I mean just to show how he’s such a corporate man, he sells the belt shot to the head but doesn’t sell that ladder match with Kevin Owens where he got the fuck beaten out of him. Cody is far from what his dad used to be. Dusty was charismatic and you could get behind him because he had his posse and there always was excitement when he was around. Cody is more like the lamest version of Sting when Sting used to get beaten up by the Horsemen and he looked gay because he was for the kids. He’s so boring, bland and weak as a champion. He tells the Rock to fuck off once and that’s the biggest amount of nutsack he ever has shown.
Anyway, Cena leaves with the belt worn backwards and the crowd chants, “Thank you Cena.” Cena has a smirk on his face because you know he’s going to miss all of this to some degree. He takes a few looks behind even though he’s supposedly disgruntled because for once the crowd collectively are actually on his side (along with me). But he leaves with the belt and no one knows what’s going to happen.
I will say Wade Barrett did point out one of the most logical questions around during the match. He asked if Cena lost would he just cut the retirement tour. I was impressed that someone on the announcing team actually said something worth noting. Because the commentary was absolutely atrocious. I barely pay attention ever since all the classic announcers had gone away. But at least someone tried to make sense of things here to a very limited degree.
Anyway, Travis Scott showing up had to happen just for Cody to get some pay back. But he only delivered a shitty Cross Rhodes and had to boot Travis out of the ring to finish the match since Travis probably had no fucking clue what to do. However, the real missing element was the absence of the Rock. This is one of those things where it feels everyone shot themselves in the foot. Even if no one needed the Rock back at the Royal Rumble or whenever he started asking for Cody’s soul, the one thing people needed was for the story to be closed in terms of the relationship between the Rock and John Cena. It’s clear that something fucked up and that people weren’t getting the reactions they wanted but now that whole thing is left dangling and people have no idea if we’ll ever see any of that revisited.
As far as that ending goes, it was a popcorn fart finish. Just anti-climatic. It made Cody look like a goober, Cena looked like a goof and Travis Scott had no business being anywhere near the ring. Like he might be the #2 real wrestling heel behind Logan Paula as far as I’m concerned. At least with Paul Heyman turning on Punk and Heyman then going with Seth, it’s kinda interesting given that Heyman is a legendary wrestling figure. But I want the Cody experiment to die already. Just put Gunther and/or Jacob Fatu on top by next year or Bron Breakker. Cody just sucks donkey as far as I’m concerned and that’s why he got rejected by the AEW fans since they saw right through him being weak.
Lastly, I knew that Cena had to win after Jey Uso won his title. For Cena’s turn to have any meaning, he needed the win. Plus, I think they’re doing this as a good bye gift in making him the 17 time champion. Either way, I’m 4-1 for tonight.
Final Thoughts
What a wretched show. I’m glad there was a fast forward option for me because I couldn’t stand watching all those unending entrances and the infomercials. The matches themselves stunk for the most part and I think my best option for watching the WWE or any wrestling at this stage is through short clips just to catch the finishes. Other than that, wrestling is dead. That’s my view. What I knew and loved from wrestling is officially dead. I think wrestling died when the WWE went public. But it’s been dying a slow death for a long time. Now, it’s just spectacle and the people in control really don’t give a shit. It’s just some live event thing to take the family for overpriced tickets. You get to see fireworks, listen to crappy entrance music, watch some stage actor who knows how to fall pose then have a shitty dance routine. That’s modern wrestling in a nutshell.
I was on board when HHH said that the WWE sells emotion. I thought that was a good thesis on what the modern product ought to be. However, what happens when that emotion is apathy? What happens when you feel your soul being dragged out of you because you’re impatiently waiting for something, anything interesting to happen of note? What happens when you realize you’re wasting your time to get maybe 10 seconds of progression because the company knows they own that industry and can drag things out as long as they want while pounding your face in with nonstop advertisements?
Then I read how HHH mentioned he believes guys like Travis Scott will appeal to the GenZ market. Oh boy. Now, I really have no hope for pro-wrestling. I mean it’s clear they’re going after influencers and putting them over more than their own people. But this whole thing is just sad to me.
The other night I took some time to watch the old WM 10 Bret Hart vs Owen Hart match. I forgot just how good that match was. And I saw a bunch of old WCCW shows just skimming through them. Finally, I caught Bobby Heenan’s famous Hall of Fame speech and really missed the Brain. Maybe I’m just too old to watch this stuff anymore. However, I’ll probably go back to just watching clips because this stuff isn’t scratching any itch. It might get to a point where I stop caring about wrestling altogether. And no HHH, I will not stop criticizing the WWE. It’s like me going to watch the latest Snow White and not wanting to take a shotgun and blowing off my face after seeing that atrocious disaster.
3-5
4 – 1
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