Developing the Foundation for A New RPG

These past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been doing an incredible amount of work on writing up the foundation for a new RPG. The idea has been in my mind for years, but I had been focusing on writings on Japan rather than the fantasy world. Since all these Japanese women that I’ve been in love with for so many years have gotten married and pregnant, I’ve become somewhat turned off by Japan and decided to return to my roots in the fantasy genre.

My current work isn’t fancy but just a general outline and notes I’ve been writing both on and offline for what I envision will become the perfect RPG for me. This game has nothing to do with other people’s opinions, but just something that I would be willing to pay for if it was sold. The way I’m looking at my game is based on the different games I’ve played over the years and taking the pro’s/con’s and somehow reflecting what I like about these games into a single entity.

I don’t want to go into many specifics because it’s still very raw. However, here’s a list of things I’m working into the game:

  • A wide range of attributes
  • Numerous races, each having distinctive abilities that scale as a character progresses in levels. Races will not be treated simply as a bling factor but have unique capabilities that will entice players to try different ones out with different classes.
  • A large number of classes with no single “god class”. Instead, classes are formed from four base classes (your standard fighter, thief, mage, priest types) with overlapping abilities from specializations (an example would be a swashbuckler who combines the abilities of a fighter and thief).
  • A huge amount of skills that each class can receive a portion of. Skills will have a point system that is not based on a percentage system (a la Wizardry) but bonus numbers and random numbers that are added/multiplied respectively against a general target number. In addition, skills can be improved through usage.
  • No cap on levels. However, prevent overbalancing from occurring (meaning that a level 20 vs a level 25 should still have a chance).
  • The use of social status and reputation to reflect how characters are treated in and out of society/cities.
  • A complex physical damage type system that has different penalties and bonuses against the armor types.
  • A well defined damage type system as well as classifications of  spells.
  • Multi and dual classing.
  • Various methods for gaining experience points.
  • Resources for being able to use certain abilities.
  • A profession system related to skills that allows players to earn gold beyond killing, questing, etc.

My goal (outside of  entertaining myself) is to make a flexible and varied game system, taking the best of breeds (according to me) from various game systems I’ve experienced and placing it under a single umbrella. I haven’t started designing the world yet as I want the character creation and development process to drive the game play more than the environment.

One thing I would like to do is prototype the actual process of creating a character once I’m satisfied with a basic outline. I think one of the tougher things will be to enumerate all the skills, powers, abilities and spells in the game. I think that might result after seeing what a character who levels a few times might look like between levels.

Unfortunately, I doubt I will be able to come up with a paperdoll type of generation system. The concept is great but it’s quite tough coming up with the graphics for each permutation. I think if I ever get involved in graphics, I’ll probably have to settle for something like an Ultima 5 environment at best.

Content-wise I have made no decisions. I have a few ideas to develop as an overarching storyline but between the start game point and the end game point, there’s no connection  since I’m focusing more on game mechanics and the type of game I want to play.

Bye Bye WebOS. Didn’t Even Get to Know Ya

HP made a rather shocking, albeit somewhat expected (from me), announcement earlier this week in pulling out WebOS and their consumer computing in exchange for focusing on business computing. While the entire withdrawal from the PC market is a massive change in direction for them that bewildered me, the end of WebOS wasn’t so much for me.

Around April just prior to looking for a new job, a friend of mine suggested that I look into the WebOS platform when I was developing a web application. My original thought was to develop mobile applications first for Android then for the iPhone. However, he tried to convince me that WebOS was a good platform and that HP was hiring. In fact, another friend of mine around that time was approached by his friend inside of HP to perhaps work as a security architect for the WebOS platform. It seemed that HP was going to make a massive push in building up their war chest for WebOS.

In my stomach, things didn’t feel right.

And if my stomach doesn’t feel good, I know it’s not good.

Fast forward to the present where it only took a few months for HP to concede mobile to Google and Apple (in fact, the entire consumer market).

For myself, I’ve always had good instincts on making bets like this. So what was my gut telling me this time?

First, I barely heard about WebOS up until then. Maybe I heard it in passing, but in general I had no clue what it was. As someone keen in technology, if I don’t have much of a clue on something like this, what chance will the public at large have in adopting a technology?

Second, it’s not a platform that I probably could ramp up quickly. With Android, it had Java backing it (which is why Oracle is so keen on Sun and their lawsuit against Google). Even if the framework for Android would require a fair amount of time learning, not having to learn a language certainly boosts that time to productivity. I’m certain that other developers felt the same way, which is why Android, imo, has taken off with reasonable celerity.

Next, the market share for WebOS just did not exist to justify spending significant amounts of time learning. Without a doubt, many businesses probably concluded the same thing. Already I spend far too much time attempting to correct browser issues between Firefox, Chrome, Internet Explorer (and it’s various inceptions) and Safari. So if I wanted to delve into the mobile market, I would be forced to add more platforms to support. One typically is more than enough. Two is a headache. But after that, you better have the guaranteed money coming in to make supporting that platform worth it.

Finally, I think HP/WebOS just attempted to make a venture into this market far too late in the game. HP really isn’t perceived as the “cool company” to begin with anymore (Fiorina fucked that up long ago). So just dangling a new API in front of developers won’t attract them so easily.

Of course, this all goes back to the idea that software is what is driving this economy. Software defines a purpose for devices and the base platforms (i.e. OS, databases, etc.). Naturally though, for software to exist you need developers. And lots of them. However, once developers become committed to a few platforms, it’s going to be intrinsically difficult to move them away from those platforms. Despite whatever incentive HP attempted to put out, it apparently wasn’t good enough. I think the problem is that developers in general are pretty smart people. The best ones will want to use the best technology they see as something that will make their lives easier. If not for that factor, then the technology is required to have a coolness factor. Whatever WebOS was satisfied neither requirement, which made it doomed to fail from the beginning.

I was chatting with some coworkers a few days ago and commented on how HP had long lost its way mostly when Fiorina took the reigns. The problem was that the firm had been for engineers who built things for engineers. That culture practically was wiped out when Fiorina decided numbers were far more important than the core values of what HP was founded upon. It seems that over the years, HP never found those core values and it’s been hurting them. Very sad way to end a legacy.

How This Is No Bubble 2.0

Marc Andreessen had an interesting article discussing about how software has become a dominant factor in the world to the point where it’s the driving force behind almost all industries. Part of the article addresses concerns about the difference between the original Dot Com Bubble Burst and the current situation in terms of economics, using the high profits being made from software (-as-a-service), the burgeoning growth of the mobile device and dying older industries as examples to back up his beliefs.

As a tech worker who has emerged from the original Dot Com Bubble Burst, I wholeheartedly agree with Andreessen’s assessment. Software has, indeed, reached a point to defy the constant naysayers of tech that still are stung by the scars from the Dot Com Bubble Burst era. However, I can point to some huge differences from my own experience to demonstrate why the current state of technology is the Real Deal.

Smarter hiring

Back when I started out, the growth of companies was ridiculous. At one of my first start ups, the ambition was to reach 200 people when we were around 40-50. Although we were making a little over a $100k/month, the executives alone were making that per year. Taking into account other salaries, property lease and equipment, one had to wonder how the revenues could match our expenditure. Of course, the venture (vulture) capitalists wanted to expand to that level, but there was no plan to reach that point. Eventually, the company’s VC’s pulled out and left the company for dead.

These days it feels as though every person matters working in the start up world. Each person must pull his/her weight and companies seem to reach out for new employees only when necessary in order to grow. Even asking for new hires is a bit of a begrudging stretch as employers aren’t all that willing to sign new paychecks and provide benefits as each nickel is observed with hard scrutiny.

Another key factor is that the interview processes are far more difficult. Google and other companies have introduced incredibly tough interviews, which have (imo) resulted in better hiring. It feels as though before the Bubble Burst, anyone with some degree  of technical knowledge could enter. These days, just possessing a degree isn’t enough. You need the experience, major companies and chops to back it up. As a result, in general companies are easily throwing money down the drain for employees. The employees have to prove themselves to be worth the high end salaries.

People Are Online Now

When I started on the internet, I was using a 2400k baud modem connecting to a crappy system called WWIV BBS. Certainly, it did not have all the user friendly features of contemporary browsers. More importantly though, barely anyone heard of the cyberworld except through fiction and the occasional bad Hollywood film (The Net anyone????).

When I joined the work force, people still were on dial up and slowly migrating to the web. However, we lacked a lot of the UI technology, speed and features that would become a dominant paradigm of the mid to late 2000’s of the web. Add the cost of owning a computer back then along with general ignorance since the only people that could afford the web were those that were working (and hence too busy to learn technologies), the scene was not pretty at all.

If anything, people were just starting to build the lowest foundations that would slowly evolve into the current state of the web. That includes just getting the average Joe Blow to sign up. I remember one time while at an English conversation cafe in Japan one Mr Average accused us web programmers that, “We did not deliver as promised.” It’s hard to fathom what exactly “we promised”. Was it one of these bad Hollywood films poorly instructing what the future would look like?

Despite the fact that the guy probably feels differently now, the statement does prove a point: something was amiss back in the late 90’s. That something was definitely people to help drive the vision of what the web ought to become.

12 years later from my own inception into the tech world, the people have finally come aboard. And I seriously doubt they’ll be going away anytime soon.

Building Technology, Not Just Ecommerce Sites

Although ecommerce will always evolve (as someone needs to pay for our high end salaries), one chief difference I do believe between the late 90’s and 2011 is that the focus of technology isn’t located into one paradigm. Instead, engineers are attempting to figure out how to solve all types of problems with the technologies we’ve been building up over the past decade. This is a key point in Andreessen’s article, but you have to compare what the perception was in the late 90’s and 2011.

In the late 90’s, the move was to become Amazon/Ebay Part 2. I think part of it was that the problem was fairly simple from a technical perspective (build a shopping cart, some nice product pages and the occasional affiliate program). However, there was a lot of psychological issues that prevented the success of online retailers back then. First was the perception of trust on the web. Putting one’s credit into a complete faceless stranger’s hands was something many people could not fathom doing.

Another major issue was distribution and logistics. Owning and maintaining warehouses for goods were huge headaches that were not well estimated. For instance, eToys was an infamous flame out that can be partly blamed on the huge investment into their distribution system. Another major example was WebVan. In WebVan’s case, you could order any sundry good like a stick of gum and have it delivered with free delivery. Imagine, if some Joe Blow orders a pack of 99 cent Wrigleys for his office. WebVan would spend more on gas, the delivery guy’s hourly wage and the server time for the order than the guy would just going across the street.

However, because these companies had imploded as a result of poor planning, newer companies have done an excellent job in their place. Take Netflix for instance, who practically have become responsible for the annihilation of Blockbuster. While their original core business would ship DVDs to people’s homes, their current model of streaming further removes the difficulty of even dealing with any hard goods just to watch films and tv shows on demand.

But it’s not just ecommerce models that have evolved. It’s the whole notion that the online/world of the Cloud has become a kind of service, or as some would say “Software-As-A-Service.” Take for instance, Twitter. To the average observer, Twitter is simply just a crappy messaging system. However, to a business involved in technology, Twitter has become one of the de facto social advertising platforms. And that’s the keyword:

Platforms

The ecommerce systems that first began in the web 1.0 era were insulated, requiring people to build up their own databases of information, their own networks, their own methods for scaling their systems to meet high traffic demand. There was no cloud, no Google, no BigTable, etc. The systems solved an extremely limited set of problems, which was order fulfillment and maybe some marketing.

These days systems are far more complex as people now with web APIs, the Cloud, and interdependent components formulate this new era of computing. The most successful companies have evolved their technologies into platforms for which other companies can utilize. As a result, you create symbiotic relationships that form the ecosystem of the web.

To illustrate this point, let’s rhetorically ask if you can imagine Google one day vanishing. It’s impossible because the current implications in the way it functions as a heartbeat to so many different businesses would cripple not just the economy but a lot of the way things are done. Similarly, Twitter serves a similar function since many businesses utilize Twitter as a core part of their business model.

So to say that these businesses that lack a simple “Buy This” button have no foundation is ridiculous. They are the foundation. And we all depend on them more than ever, which is why they simply cannot go away.

More Players, More Competition, More Money

Because we have moved away from attempting to re-solve a single simple problem and trying to solve numerous small to large scale problems using technology, the competition in technology has become huge. The Me2’s will always exist, but that to a degree is good as it’ll continue to force everyone to be on their toes. And as long as major companies and investors feel that they can get a chunk of the pie, there will be more money to be made.

In the past 5-6 years, one of the more interesting areas of funding hasn’t been through VCs but from acquisitions. And there’s certainly a lot more companies out there with big pocketbooks ready to sign checks for the next big thing to help their revenues. I think in the 90’s, the big thing was simply IPO, so people seemed to rely more on VC money. Splitting up the investment sources simply gave more options for new (and even older  – Hey Motorola!) companies. Also, because there aren’t as many fallacious IPOs as there were in the past, the ones that do go IPO are far more serious about long term growth, which is what investment really (ought to be) is about.

Will there be meltdowns? Of course. We’ll always have a graveyard of companies because either they couldn’t find the right niche, bad business plans or their competition was too overwhelming. Even large companies like HP with the inevitable doom of WebOS will succumb. That doesn’t mean people shouldn’t try. Allowing for a single dominant entity is something everyone who remembered emperor Bill are attempting to avoid again. So even if companies fail in succession, it won’t mean that the entire industry will shutdown. And that’s a huge point in all of this.

Not As Many Rockstar Parties

There was an infamous story of one company (can’t remember the name) who spent $10 million of their VC funds on a private Christmas party with The Who. That probably was one of the few extreme cases that left many VCs with a horrible taste in their mouths, but I’m dead certain that if such a party would come about again, it won’t be derived from the VC’s pocket. Still the whole wasteful spending was something I partly alluded to the cut down of stricter hiring.

Of course, benefits are always going to be a competitive edge that a company can offer to attract and retain top notch employees. But those are pretty well budgeted and partly related to fostering a positive culture that leads to productivity. Looking at the Google offices, you can see what might seem like a futuristic paradise which might bewilder people in terms of how Googlers get work done. But the office space and intent exist to help foster creativity; after all, if your office is more fun to be in than your home, why leave?

A Little Older, A Little Wiser And A Hell of A Lot More Cynical

I doubt any of us who lost their jobs at some point during the Bubble Crash will ever forget the lessons in those days. We’re all more cautious and weary of the different issues I outlined above and a result, we’ve managed to optimize what we’re doing. Because the Bubble Crash has been such a humbling experience to many of us, we’ll never stop looking over our shoulder and pointing to any company making money and not feel an ounce of doubt.

As a result, I think we will keep our own sense of vigilance to prevent an uncontrollable explosion from occurring. Take a look at Google. Despite being around since 1998, I’m certain many of us have been just waiting for the day they crash. Not because we want to (well, maybe Microsoft and Apple do) but because it’s a company that has been “too good to be true.”

When I walk into my office and hear that we’re helping our customers receive 100-300% conversions, I’m left in shock, disbelief and awe. Yet the numbers are there and these companies that I’ve managed to work for or know are proving themselves in their own ways.

The thing is that we’ve come a long way, have evolved and matured quite a bit. As technologists, we aren’t your average dummy but can adapt and improve. And as I do more at my current office, building some cutting edge UI stuff and look back to my days of WWIV BBS, Atari and Commodore, I realize that we’ve barely scratched the surface.

For the technologists out there, give yourself a pat on the back and relax a little.

For the naysayers who don’t have a true grasp of what’s going on, why don’t you do everyone a favor, shut up, sit back and enjoy the show a little. Instead, of spouting off constant negative rhetoric which has not helped the overall economic growth in the past 11 years (because 2000 was the pinnacle), start giving credit where credit is due and start looking investments as investments, not a craps table gamble that you’re seeing just from your ivory tower 10,000 feet in the sky. We’re here to stay and we’re proving it on a daily basis.

Watching Illuminati/NWO Stuff

I was bored recently and needed something to trigger some inspiration for writing. So I found a long series on youtube regarding the Illuminati/global conspiracy. I haven’t formed a real judgment on whether or not it’s real. However, one particular part on behalf of some conspiracy theory nuts did not sit right with me.

And that’s the subject of concentration camps in America and their purpose.

Certainly, there had been camps as my grandfather on my mom’s side at one time had been in. With the conspiracy theory people though, they describe the purpose as being able to haul a huge amount of the populace into these camps, showing something that probably resembled America’s version of Auschwitz.

Here’s where I have the issue of the whole purpose of these camps. Supposedly, the design of these camps are for social deviants and obviously quite a large number. Is there an expectation by this global conspiracy group for mass rebellion by a huge section of the population that suddenly “wakes” up? If that’s the case, one thing that I don’t understand is who is going to do the work?

At some stage, just putting the masses in a camp seems somewhat counter productive. I mean, are you talking cities of people being corralled into these pens? Who will do the farming, the manufacturing, the programming, the basic security? The complex supply chains that will eventually lead back to people on the opposite side of the wall has to be run by a large amount of people.

Second, there was mention about fear of revoking gun ownership. Wait a minute. That doesn’t make any sense at all. I believe that revoking gun ownership is counter productive to the military industrial complex of the US. To me, it’s better for the industries that sell and distribute arms to want its own people buying even more weapons.

In fact, given that it’s these so-called deviants that are apparently being targeted for this movement, I would think that quite a few of them are not completely sane and would more than likely just shoot each other in the ensuing chaos. As a result of such a scenario, that only means that more guns would be desired and sold.

Let’s take another argument where the number of possible protestors who would use guns are a small percentage like those mountain men in Montana. Then why require huge number of camps that take up enormous plots of land and potentially cost tons of money that America supposedly doesn’t have at the moment to fund?

Maybe the purpose is simply just for TRUE deviants. Meaning the real crazies just in case a riot did erupt. I mean, these people who seem to cling to their weapons seem like the real nut balls to me. Having lived in Japan for 5 1/2 years, I can safely state that I felt the most comfortable in my entire life out there, despite possibilities for earthquakes, typhoons, fires and whatnot, compared to being here in the states just on the basis that the public could not own firearms.

Another thought occurred to me where perhaps other parts of the world might become sympathetic to Americans if their own country took them hostage. Let’s be honest. That would be horrible PR as the so-called police state for the world. Sure, many parts of the world detest America for various reasons. However, I believe that those people probably detest the American government and military more than they do the average Joe.

The other thing you have to kinda think about is whether or not a one world government is all that bad. I think people worry about boredom and dictatorships. So when they hear about one world governments immediately they’ll think of 1984, Hitler, Fascism, etc. But maybe we should consider other possible ramifications outside of sheer diversity.

  • One language. Let’s forget respecting cultures for a second. If you’ve ever lived in a different country that has it’s own language, how do you feel? Anyone ever tell you that you must learn their language? Then I bet you start wishing that your native language was the universal language. Why? Because it’s convenient for you or the other person.
  • One currency. Have you ever had to exchange currencies? What happens one day when that burger in your country that cost you $5 becomes $7 in another country? Does that really make your life any better? Wouldn’t it be simpler just having one currency and not have to deal with the stupid complexities of markets that are manipulated and thrown into constant states of chaos? Wouldn’t it be easier if people can valuate goods and services on a standard rather than some skewed metrics based on their locale?
  • One government. What if we had universal laws that spelled out decency that can be applicable anywhere? Not everyone gets to enjoy the same rights nor freedoms as everyone.
  • One religion. I’m not religious so I don’t care.
  • Being manufactured/produced as opposed to being “free.” The thing I’ve noticed in my life is that man without rules nor boundaries is simply just a primitive animal. Let’s face it. Not everyone is a genius with good intent. In fact, I would argue that the average person is pretty damn selfish. So if people are being produced by programming on TV, I say fine. But you still need to allow for the occasional geniuses to arise from society. And I think that this so-called elitist groups does permit that because they recognize a need for progression. At a certain point, someone has to do the work. The ones that genetically are incapable of not superseding a barbaric level of intelligence just get siphoned into those lower positions; doesn’t surprise me because that’s exactly what goes on now. Should we feel sympathy that they never achieve anything more than a gas attendant status? I say no because even now people are still given enough freedom to be able to make conscientious decisions on their own accord for their path in life. Some want it easy so they willingly dumb themselves down in order to become herded. If that’s the case, then being produced is something people need in order for them to have any sense of purpose.

I supposed (as natural) that the only person I sympathize with is myself in this situation. I am one that does not want to be caught in being defined/characterized with these groups that have been identified as workers. It would be nice to be included with these elite. I don’t mind nibbling and selling my kind out. It’s not like my neighbors, distant friends, family members, etc. came willingly without ulterior motives up to my door with a blank check.

All I ask for in all of this is a hot wife (preferably Japanese), decent job and peace. I don’t intend to cause a disturbance, I’m just an observer in all of this if a global conspiracy does exist. I have no allegiance and just want to live quietly. If I can get my occasional Lego set, a decent dinner and something for my mom, bonus points.

Should I Bother Anymore?

I always tried my best to keep in contact with my friends in Japan. I understand that people are busy and many might have difficulty responding to me as a result of the language barrier. However, there are those that I think I’ve tried too hard and that they either lost interest in me in some way or never had interest to start with.

I’m wondering if I should even bother dealing with those types of people anymore or if it’s just a waste of time. I think if I cut them off permanently, I wouldn’t have to worry anymore and can just move on and continue focusing on my life, lessening the burden and focusing on new things.

On the other hand, the ones that I’m speaking of are those that I wish I could have a relationship with. I don’t have a lot of options these days so it makes decisions like this for me really tough.

An Interesting Thought About Death

A friend from college once asked me some psychological questions that eventually led to the conclusion of what I perceived death would look like. After I learned the intent of her inquisition, I refined the answer about what death would look like.

My vision was more or less like what Gandalf described in Peter Jackson’s Return of the King. That is, a huge field with blue skies, some clouds and an open plain that the eye could never perceive the end. My refined answer was basically my home where all the people I cared about in my past attended a huge backyard BBQ during a summer afternoon.

At the moment, I’m actually torn because I feel betrayed somehow  and that the easiest thing to do would be to remove everyone from that list. Maybe the after life for me  would simply be my house with just myself, my stuffed animals and possessions.

Conspiracy Theory Related to Food, Exercise and Productivity

I’ve been working out again recently, but I haven’t done a great job of losing weight. Part of it is my eating habits, which admittedly are pretty poor. But I’ve developed poor eating habits as a result of never having good guidance as a child and then later turning to fast food during my adolescence. And despite being quite aware of these conditions, it’s really close to impossible changing one’s habits, especially when one’s motivation diminishes on a daily basis.

Anyway, a thought occurred to me the other day how this relates to exercise. Next to my gym, there’s a Hometown Buffet. I remember spotting near the exit a flyer for LA Fitness. Now, think about this. A buffet next to a gym. Isn’t that ironic or even oxymoronic? And the fact that the gym places advertisements in the buffet is even more suspicious.

Of course, you can deduce that the gym is attempting to “help” the people at the buffet by providing a rather overt hint. Usually though, the people at the buffet are not the types that would go to the gym in the first place (until it’s absolutely the last straw). Still, if you think about it, the way human’s rationalize things like this most likely looks like, “Well, if I go to the gym, I can go back to the buffet guilt free.” Or something like that.

Of course, that’s not the reality in all of this.

But if you further expand this notion, you start to think of how all this is pretty fucked up. First, the thing is that people (at least in America) are for the most part hooked up into the whole fast food/poor eating situation because we’re trained from birth to eat this kind of food. Despite warnings from doctors, etc. we still consume food like this and as a result gain weight.

Those of us that manage to partly break this cycle attempt to remedy this situation through hitting the gym. And as we age, we have to put more effort since most of our metabolisms slow. By the time we finish our routine, we’re completely spent.

This whole cycle to me is just part of the whole productivity cycle that we’re locked into. We’re constantly occupied and too tired or lack the time to break out of it. And if you’re into conspiracy theories, this is exactly what George Carlin’s Owners want. To keep you in a pacified mode so that they continue to maintain a gigantic machine where only a select few control the important decisions in this world, while the rest of us slave away trying to just maintain ourselves.

Of course, the government would be involved in this. I mean, the FDA allows the fast food industry to keep shoveling down poor choices by the large corporations that constantly spend huge dollars lobbying and bribing the government. And it, for the most part, works in the government’s favor as the vast majority of us are rendered impotent, alienated and dispersed from halting this cycle.

Truthfully, on a totalistic scale, I don’t care…at least with regards to the vast majority of people out there. I’ve learned that people already have made and accepted their destiny in taking mini-bribes through their shallow,  demeaning materialistic existence that transiently satisfies their lusts.

For myself, I do care because I’m not part of the so-called Owners and want a piece of that action. But that’s a different topic.

Clean Slate

Lately, I’ve been mentally just non-existent. I’ve been having severe feelings or rather the lack thereof. My life has been a void when I’m not at work. At work, I have somewhat of a purpose. At home, I feel like an empty shell with no direction.

Part of me wants a clean slate. The new job has been great. It’s what I definitely needed as part of my life. Outside of work though, I need something new. Ever since I found out that Reina Miyauchi got hitched, Norika Fujiwara got a new boyfriend and various other people had their own love interest, I felt as though huge segments of my life just vanished.

In some cases, it was good. For instance, I ditched Crazy. I think I hurt myself really badly by letting myself get manipulated by her and retain any semblance of hope being tied to dating her. I missed numerous opportunities and threw some down the drain. But a few weeks ago she tried bugging me and I finally told her what she needed to hear and what I needed to say.

Part of me feels as though I need to do more of this. Some friends probably think I’m avoiding them on purpose. I have to admit, it’s probably true. My reasoning is that I just need to start from scratch at times and create an entirely new environment.

I kinda wonder at times, if I should just completely forget Japan altogether. It had become such a consuming point of my existence that it might’ve hurt me. Just move on and create a new dream that doesn’t include Japan. I like Japan still, but at times I feel as though it neglects me in an either abstract or spiritual sense. If I continue to harbor my emotional ties to it, I might just continue damaging my life.

Unfortunately, if I reboot myself this time, I’ll have absolutely no direction. Most likely I would just do things like terminate Facebook or start a blank account that no one can find. But I want to do something even more drastic. I need to in order for me to gain full expression.

Another part of me is thinking of just saving up a ton of money so that in a few years, I can move to a desolated mountain. Essentially, I would make an attempt to cut myself from most of the world. My existence would appear forlorn and lonely, but the only person that could remind me of that is myself. I think I would just want my connection to Amazon, internet access, ebay, food and some postal service. That would be enough.

 

Norika Fujiwara, Do NOT Date That Chode!!!!!!

To Norika Fujiwara,

Do not date that total chode stock analyst for my sake. Do you realize that you’re dating a crook? People in finance are for the most part crooks. That guy doesn’t give a crap about you. You’re a token wife to him. You’re just something that he can show off, but he has no true emotions towards you. He’ll still hit the local hostess bars and delivery health spots when you’re not looking. You definitely deserve better.

If you think your previous sham of a marriage hurt you, then this one will destroy your perception of men. Or are you only looking for someone who can financially support your high taste? If it’s the latter case, then everything you’ve done in your career will be considered hallow because this move will clearly demonstrate that you have no taste in people and are a shallow person.

I respected you for the longest time, but this might be the last straw. If you truly care, drop this fucker and save Japan for a good reason. I do have the power to obliterate it. Do you feel the earthquakes? They are symbolic representations each time my heart is broken by someone I care about who marries some stupid fucker. You were one of my last hopes. But I’ve learned that I have a direct relationship to Japan spiritually that hinges upon people like yourself making the right choices in this world. Do you want to end the hope of Japan with the wrong decision? Don’t be responsible for this act. The fate of Japan truly is in your hands.

Fulfillig Albeit Brutal Week

These past two weeks quite a roller coaster ride in terms of intensity at the office. Crunch time was about us but for the most part we managed to deliver the product. Management was quite happy and we got our first customer on board. Although it’s still in a beta (pre-alpha?) phase, the whole point was to launch something, iterate and receive feedback to improve the product.

With the product launched, there’s a little more breathing room in terms of fixing things up and getting it to where it needs to be. Of course, the road to getting to that point wasn’t easy. For myself, I spent more than one night up quite late into the night tearing my hair out in trying to get the thing to a semi-usable state. And there were some umadbro moments too.

From an application point of view, I think the biggest issue was organization, especially on the client-side (i.e. Javascript). As a result, I started looking for a framework to help resolve some of the architectural issues and believe I have found a pretty damn good solution called JavascriptMVC. Once I evaluate it at home, I’ll write more on it.

The good thing is that with the application pushed to production, I was able to make my long awaited return to the gym. So far, I managed to hit four days this week, which is pretty good. However, I still have to get back to my old schedule and level, so I feel I’m a long way off. I have more than one reason to hit the gym but I’ll explore that topic in another blog post.

Returning to the topic of work, outside of the project going live, there were some other major points of good news. First, we got a small round of venture debt funding. So already we began hiring in the sales and client support area. Don’t know when some of these people will be coming in, but it’s always a great sign when a company makes an effort to hire.

Another cool thing was that my company was on NBC LA. We had a nice video on one of two big start ups in LA. The online video had a nice sampling of the company and its culture. I was happy that my ugly mug barely made it on camera (I have zero photogenic attributes). However, the fact we made it on camera and on a section of the news again demonstrated a positive facet for my company.

The week had its down moments as well. But I want to address the particular issue in a separate blog. Of course, I’m still trying to make my way on World of Warcraft. Kinda getting bored of it though. Need to find something else to do because it’s becoming really repetitive at the moment.

Anyway, next week ought to be another intense week. Or maybe it might not be depending on how far we can get with our fixes.