Where to Go From Here?


Now that I’ve been betrayed and injured like Michael Corleone from the Godfather series, I need to figure out where my life turns from here. In some ways, it feels like freedom because I’ll never have to worry about that issue again. I can find someone new to obsess over. A friend of mine at UCI after breaking up with his girlfriend once told me it’s the same feeling as taking that final wipe of your butt after making a big shit in the toilet. I couldn’t agree more.

However, it also feels like floating in the middle of the ocean (minus any sharks or other dangerous animals). At the moment, I can’t see any islands nor signs of life. I’m not in endangerment kinda like being on a cruise ship that has an indefinite amount of supplies and I’m the only person aboard. It sucks in some ways because I have no idea which direction to steer this ship. But I do know that I can go anywhere I want at this stage without worries.

Life-wise, I’ve recently taken a decent job and I enjoy the environment thus far. It feels weird though because I can’t tell if it’ll go big or not in truth. I think the guys at work are great and that the business model has definite footing. But I’m someone who has his share of doubts, especially after going through two recessions. On the other hand, my last two companies went IPO on the same day so it could be that the 3rd time is the charm.

The other thing is that Reina getting married might be an indication of the sacrifice of something important for me to obtain an even better thing in my life. I’ve always felt that life is all about balance; it’s all about give and take. My life tends to be  more about giving than receiving (or taking) so I’m still waiting for that fateful day that I can proudly declare on my facebook/twitter profiles that I’m rich finally.

Of course, I’ve said this to myself previously and ended up empty handed. In that sense, trying to discern meaning from nothing is similar to all those Rapture hopefuls that spent their life savings on a non-existent event.

That still doesn’t answer how I should move on in terms of relationships or where to turn. Almost all the girls/women I like are in relationships (refer to the previous video post to see my response to that). Norika Fujiwara smartly got out of her relationship with that boneheaded asscrack comedian  husband. So is she the one?

I don’t know. Actually, I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m totally drained today. I want to hit the gym to burn off my angst, but I can’t even tell if I’m angry, sad or what.

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