Of course, part of the problem is that the company is too shareholder driven but with too many external forces attempting to drive the company. The company’s existence is exclusively to appease them rather than re-establish a sense of identity. As a result, the lack of focus has created a huge void in the potential of what Yahoo could still be while Google, Facebook and others speed merrily past the dimming horizons of a former giant.

For Yahoo to recover, it’s quite clear that the first step is to remove these external parties (i.e. shareholders) from attempting to control so many unfavorable decisions. Second, they need to pick someone who isn’t established. All the so-called established big names who stepped foot in the company did little to raise true value to the users (not shareholders), instead burgeoning their own pocketbooks with fat golden parachutes. If you examine the entire management and leadership team at Yahoo, you will notice how many “big wigs” infest the company at different levels. Yes, each of these people have impressive resumes just in terms of name dropping. But if you think about what they actually contribute, you have to realize that they’re nothing more than blood sucking leeches. That convinces me that just procuring another “big name, heavy hitter” won’t do the users of Yahoo any justice. They need someone hungry, at the bottom who understands what Yahoo can do and leverage the existence infrastructure, talent and data.

But that’s quite obvious. How can Yahoo move from a proverbial money whore as a company back towards a global leader? Just like mayor Bloomberg in NYC focused on a few key areas to improve the streets of NYC, Yahoo needs a similar strategy. My suggestion is to start on the following zones:

• Get rid of email, chat and group message spam. I switched my personal email from Yahoo to gmail because I’ve encountered a ridiculous amount of spam. Occasionally, email from friends would be counted as a spam while a piece of spam gets through. This has cost me personally on numerous occasions. Because email, chat and groups are huge with Yahoo as part of a long standing business, getting rid of spam would help improve user trust back with the company.
• Exposing media as software services without charging. Yahoo’s connection to various media allows them the privilege of having an enormous wealth of data. Unfortunately, a great deal of Yahoo’s web services are limited and virtually useless. Some are more focused than others. However, organizing information into something searchable is something that I don’t see as being unfeasible. For instance, given a movie, I want to find all related information to it (e.g. directors, actors/actresses, producers, release dates, movie connections). Similar with music, books, etc. I feel that this aspect of Yahoo is extremely underutilized and can provide the platform for many 3rd party developers to embrace and create better software that can scale without having to reinvent the wheel.
• Do not charge for search. Google already exceeds on this category. However, I feel that search as a software service needs to be free to extract more information for 3rd party developers. Most other search services that are free lack the quality of a Google. However, Yahoo/Bing might provide a good alternative on this end.

These are just a few suggestions, but I think they’re worthy for a company that has the scale of a Yahoo. Hopefully, they’ll take my suggestion.

In my case, I feel the stakes are far higher. With my mom, she had mostly lived out her life so there was little upward mobility that she could do. With myself, I’ve still got a long road ahead of me and I can’t simply drop everything to deal exclusively with my mom’s side. In that sense, I have to do far more than I bargained for.

The CEO of my company somewhat prophetically had foretold us at the beginning of the year that this would be the year we would work the hardest. For me, that couldn’t be any truer. I have to relinquish all fun and personal time to sacrifice for my mom and maintain my job. And I really enjoy my job and see an opportunity at the moment where we can do something killer. But I feel that I need to push as hard as possible to grab that opportunity.

Sleep isn’t even a luxury anymore. In some way, I dread it because I toss and turn on a nightly basis. Worries overflow within me and my mind can never reach a state of relaxation as I know that there are just too many things going on that I need to take care of. People say that I should relax and take things one step at a time. Unfortunately, that attitude hasn’t gotten me very far nor my family. So I have to cast aside being lazy in favor of become an emotionless husk that has to force himself to concentrate as hard as possible to get every little task done.

It feels like life has become a ticking time bomb. Or rather a series of ticking time bombs for myself. Little explosions go off as if to warn me of every little possible misstep. For instance, today we had some pretty rough weather outside. It was unusually humid here in Southern California and the winds blew at incredible velocity. Then yesterday we had a major panic at the office. Although I can’t say what, the unexpected nature of the event caused me to lose precious time for half a day. Things like this make one suspicious towards an impending Armageddon.

Miraculously, I’ve been able to get things done. However, the important elements move too sluggishly while a certain deadline looms like a locust invasion. I really just need more time. A week even. I can get things done by then. But I’m too constrained at this time.

In reflecting upon these events, part me feels as though my life hasn’t really changed much. My life, for the most part, has been filled with constant anxiety. Always worried about something while the unforeseen hand of misfortune strikes me while I’m most vulnerable.

I might’ve stated before how I’ve become somewhat fascinated by the movie “The Truman Show” with Jim Carrey. The reason why I gravitate towards such a film is that a part of me wonders if my life isn’t just a reality TV show where I’m the star. While the character Truman discovers things that seem completely out of place in his life (such as the mysterious falling satellite camera), I’ve felt that the events in my life are at times too coincidental and increase my suspicion about my role in this world.

Take for instance all the crap that seemed to simultaneously hit me this past week. Why all at once? Why this instant streak of bad luck? Part of me believes that my Chinese astrological horoscope can reveal something in that it no longer is the year of the rabbit. So my year is over in essence. Yet 2000 was actually a pretty damn good year for me. So I can’t fault astrology for everything.

On the other hand, my horoscope in the past few days has been horridly accurate. For example, on Saturday, my horoscope told me to stop beating myself up over past mistakes. That night I wrote up a blog that talked about my regrets in my life. Then today my horoscope said that an “ex-” became available again. Oddly enough, this one girl I was friends with, Sherry Wu, coincidentally connected to me on LinkedIn. This is serious WTF material.

At any rate, if my life is a TV reality show, let me ask a few things. For the producers, please less drama. Seriously. Cut the whole Monday deadline with the Medi-Cal thing. I don’t want my life to be like 24. I need sleep. I would like to have fun again. I would like to smile and have my mom come home without any drama. Or find someone else to portray for your reality show. I don’t mind if my life is boring. But at least if I go through this hell, then give me some consolation prize or give me a major hint that things will improve. I really need something to hold onto. It’s really tough and I want to make it out okay. Thanks.

But I’m certain this doesn’t stop with just these three parts of American services. The reality about America is that it’s too big, with too many competing interests and too many people to serve. To make that all work, America has throughout time done a patch work job of satisfying (i.e. shutting up) special interest groups whenever they squawk too loudly or pour enough into the hidden pocket of some lawmaker. And along the way, people have turned towards specialists who seek to subvert laws through carefully evasion via loopholes that are more rhetorically generated than something anyone with an ounce of common sense could see through.

I feel that the rate at which America is going the entire system will collapse in 5-10 years. Part of the collapse will occur monetarily when institutions like social security dries up by supposedly being used up. Recent reports say that these services have a short life span because people are having health problems more frequently. Obviously, if you examine contemporary lifestyle, you see health problems arise due to factors in life style changes that probably started in the 90′s. These life style changes can be attributed to the increasing stress as a result of constant worries over recessions and an unstable economy, inflation, the lack of stability and trust in the overall system by the middle class, the increasing office time which leads to less balanced life styles, the emphasis on fast food as a result of convenience, the massive push of drugs by the pharmaceutical companies to supposedly help cure these postmodern health conditions (e.g. diabetes type 2, depression, high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.), etc.

This without question is primarily a middle class problem. But what isn’t said about all this is that the end result is the push towards the middle class (i.e. the elderly) towards the lower end. Meaning that as people grow older here, without the proper setup (and this seems to have occurred in the baby boomers), the elderly are slowly being swamped by the lack of proper financial and health support while the younger people have the encroaching problem of high cost of schooling from loans and the lack of skills necessary to compete in securing a decent job.

I’ve read a few articles on how part of the problem was because of a certain school of economics thought. If that idea is, indeed, true, the whole model must be revamped to account for the absolute failure that is increasing as time passes.

What really is necessary in America isn’t an economic model nor a massive law system. What is needed is pure simplicity. It’s really just common sense. We need only a few basic laws in place: 1) do not steal from each other; 2) do not kill each other; 3) don’t be stupid; 4) treat others as you would like to be treated. You probably can just get away with 4) as the ultimate rule at the end of the day. But that rule ought to form the basis of the rest of American society.

Part of the revamp in American society, as I propose, is to do exactly what the book/movie Fight Club had suggested: reset everyone’s credit to zero. I would go further and say that we need to re-think the whole idea of pricing. Here’s the thing: pricing in this world is utterly messed up. It’s why the world at the end of the day makes no sense. Because pricing does not make sense. Here’s some examples:

• Medical cost – This should be free to everyone. The thing is that in order for society to function, people must be healthy. If people are afraid of being penalized, then society will always function in a substandard way.
• Housing cost – Everyone should be able to live some where. Having substandard living conditions allow for things like disease. So at the very basics, there needs to exist reasonable housing that is accessible for everyone. This housing should be maintained to certain standards so that people are healthy.
• Food cost – Why should crappy fast food cost so much? People say it’s cheap but that’s actually the past tense. At any rate, there should exist something where basic healthy food is part of the standard diet.
• CEOs with extravagant pay. Let’s take Eric Schmidt as an example. Recently, it was noted that he received $110 million for his services as a bonus after departing Google. While it’s true that under his leadership the company grew to where it’s at now. However, $110 million as a pure figure no matter how you cut it is a ludicrous figure. How much of that does he really NEED? My mom just needs 0.1% of that to handle her hospital bills, but I’m certain this guy won’t give up a penny to help her.

I can go on from here. Part of the problem is that Americans have been living and are expecting to live in excess. Go to a Yahoo forum and post ideas of true equality and you’ll see people label you a socialist or communist (and I’m certain most of the posters have no clue what true socialism nor communism is). The thing that they’re defensive about is their precious possessions. Somehow Americans have managed to trick themselves into thinking that they need to be individuals through distinguishing themselves not through merit, but their material belongings. Why else would Americans all want big fat houses? Couldn’t an apartment suffice? And if you need a larger home, is that because the person (or people) could not stop fucking and mistakenly had too many kids without restraint nor thought? Or perhaps these people have so much junk they need to put their stuff some place?

Similarly, I think Americans continuously delude themselves into believing in the original American Dream. It’s not just having the 2 car garage, home, kid, dog, wife, kitchen, 2 cars, etc. Now, people want to be the next Mark Zuckerberg or Larry Page/Sergie Brin. So everyone has to hit that billion dollar valuation because MTV, the film industry, etc. have clouded Americans into cocaine party filled fantasies. No one is content simply just having a roof over their head, some decent, healthy food, doing a little exercise and being with the loved ones anymore.

This is partly why prices are out of control. Not to mention people want things for free or cheap. And not just free and cheap, but the best quality. Let’s be honest folks: you can’t win everything. But on top of that, people want all this for doing nothing. Well, hey why do you think companies outsourced to India or other countries? Or why do you think Americans have been losing their jobs? You can’t expect to demand too much for doing nothing and get away with it.

In examining this mentality, we can see now that the attitude and expectations of Americans must be rebuilt as well. I think it’s great that the system allows people or companies like a Facebook, Google, etc. to rise up. However, not every idea is a billion (or trillion) dollar one. And not everyone will rise to the top. In other words, people have to start learning to be content with what they have.

As a result, I believe that while certain services should be free, to allow for the best to arise, we need to say that excess is possible. Certain things aren’t absolute necessities such as entertainment or luxury goods. Or quantity/quality items that aren’t relevant to serving our basic needs. For instance, owning a swimming pool, having a BMW, possessing large amounts of jewelry and name brand boots, etc.  Things defined as excess should have excessive prices. But those excessive prices are not an indicator that the item is “great” but simply something someone truly wanted as a result of the extra effort they put in to earn it.

The thing is that I really don’t care about the excessive. I believe that element is easier to define. However, serving basic needs is something we need to do a better job of handling. For instance, if a person has a stroke, it’s obvious that they need help. That help should be readily available with no strings attached. Why? If you have to force an answer here, then you have a real issue. But to put it plainly, the person needs to function. There’s enough variables in this world (not to mention our own stupidity) that will expedite our own deaths. But there is no real excuse for not providing basic care in a dead easy manner.

Take for instance my mom’s situation with the stroke. What should happen isn’t so much all this proof of attempting to qualify by meeting certain standards. Instead, agencies need to get out of the way, provide definitive answers rather than redirects and offer assistance on the fly. In other words, whatever gets help to you faster is what needs to occur.

At the moment, I think because these agencies are government ones, they’re slow with tons of paperwork and have just too many middle men. The middle men, imo, are put into place to fill out spots because the government needs to employ people who probably aren’t very skilled and have to justify their existence in society. What really is required is a simple computer system that contains people’s information and is able to produce all the proper information immediately. Rather than having difficult trees of laws, they need answers for people who have questions.

At any rate, the bottom line is that America can in no way sustain the current model of life. I doubt that the government, in its current form, will institute any form of drastic change to improve things. But a revolution is imperative if the country wants to prolong itself.

When I think back on all this, I recall my horoscope telling me that I would need to save every penny because there was an event coming up where I would require all my money. Well, unlike what my friends attempted to tell me otherwise, the event occurred. I didn’t want that event to happen. It’s as if the little happiness I attempted to provide myself would be once again snatched away by fate.

Now, my horoscope is telling me that I need to correct mistakes by moving past my historic ones. More than that, it’s telling me to give myself an emotional hug today. How the heck do I do that? I need a real hug right now and I need real love. Being alone sucks and having to deal with all these problems by myself is the worst thing.

Before when I would get this level of stress, I could always turn to my parents, at least my mom for some emotional comfort. But then when my dad had his stroke, my mom clearly wasn’t the same and the person had mentally evaporated.

Sometimes I think my life is analogous to the movies I watch. Recently, I had watched the entire Lord of the Rings triology. I’ve looked at myself like a Frodo Baggins, someone bearing the Ring of Power. But as Galadriel had mentioned to Frodo, “To be a Ring Bearer is to be alone.” Although at the end of the movie, Frodo is able to sail off from the Grey Havens to the Undying Lands with the elves, the message wasn’t exactly a comforting one. The wound he received by the Nazghul Witch King had fatally injured him and he had been slowly dying.

In comparison, I feel as though some where along my life something similar had crossed my path. Perhaps, it was in Japan when this occurred. Perhaps, it was that fateful night where I met that Kevin guy from Monster.com (whom I see as a type of devil figure in my life). I agreed to the harder path but what has that led me? And what exactly is my version of the Ring of Power? Maybe some sort of knowledge of how this world will end?

For myself, I wish I could be Aragorn instead. He gets a gorgeous half elf maiden as his bride and becomes king of the land, having a fair rule whereas Frodo perishes as a single and bearing no heir. That isn’t comforting as I see myself drifting more towards a path like Frodo. Maybe my Ring of Power is some knowledge in a technology that I’m imparting to my current company. Perhaps, that technology will expand to provide my coworkers and I the money to change things for the better (in my case help my mom). But will it be too late for me?

Or is the message of Frodo entering the Undying Lands something of hope for myself? Perhaps, I need to examine his situation more positively in light of myself. I’ve talked about how sometimes I believe a UFO will eventually come down to rescue myself. I’ve joked on how along with deciding the fate of humanity I would be able to bring along 500 people (or so). I see it as a Noah’s Ark. Unlike the movie 2012, the Ark is a UFO and it’s not man-made.

And if I was provided the capability of judgment, part of that duty would be determining those 500 people. You often hear about how people will eventually stand before God being judged. Not saying that I’m God, but there’s always a possibility of being that person with that duty. Hence, my role on this world as an observer. My thing is to observe who treats me well as well as seeing how certain people treat each other.

So where does this magic 500 number come from? I don’t know. It seemed like a nice, round number overall. But more importantly where would I start? With Facebook and Twitter, I kinda wonder if those technologies were partly invented (or inspired) to determine a type of list. People on my list would receive a “Fast Pass” so to speak. Or at least they might be a starting point for reconnecting with those that I had keen interest in.

My mind is extremely hazy at this early part of the morning. I’m nervous and weakened from not eating dinner. Despite my stomach growling in hunger, I cannot bring myself to eat. I did purchase El Pollo Loco last night, but ended up refrigerating the entire thing after opening the letter. I don’t know if I’ll be able to consume a single morsel. I might have to resort to something like Jamba Juice. Also, I still need to see my mom one way or another and manage to get through this day. So I’ll require energy although I don’t know how physically I can impel myself beyond my bed.

Why that year for me? As much as I hate public education prior to the university level, I think that for myself 1987 represents the point in time where I could start correcting all my biggest errors in life. If traveling back in time also allowed one to retain as much current knowledge as possible (namely recognizing all your past mistakes as well as being provided with the prescience to take control over a few key moments…this isn’t necessarily the lotto btw), then I would say my starting year in junior high school would be the primary focus for amending all the problems leading up to my current situation. The following is my pathetic attempt to re-list as many key events as possible and a small solution per year:

1987 – 1988

• Not buying a skateboard and wasting my father’s money (not to mention my own time)
• Focusing more attention on my math skills
• Getting glasses at an earlier point in time
• Not becoming enthralled with a few time wasting females (Maureen)
• Eating better
• Visiting the dentist and doctor more frequently
• Making a move on Kathy Amschler
• Not slamming my locker (hence avoiding getting my AD&D books stolen)

1988-1989

• Move schools (to avoid teacher strikes)

1989-1990

• Not take yearbook and Spanish
• Take computers as elective
• Make a move on Misty Misenger (sp?)
• Not hanging around the stoners

1990-1991

• Taking Japanese (probably the most important thing in my life)
• Not joining academic decathalon
• Focusing more on computer science
• Not hanging around RPG group
• Not maxing out my bench press which permanently messed my back up

1991-1992

• Not joining Key Club
• Not taking yearbook as a class
• Less time wasting extracurricular activities
• Not wasting time and emotion with Nancy Yi (and maybe going after Suzanne Nakayama, Jenny Oh or Linda Jin instead)
• Probably taking another year of programming

1992-1993

• Not taking yearbook again
• Taking another (full) year of programming
• Not going on that stupid Key Club trip which made me have a bad cough and get sick (wouldn’t have occurred if I never joined anyway)
• Making my dad be safer about his truck so it wouldn’t get stolen

1993-1994

• Performing better in my Japanese courses
• Definitely avoiding Michelle Yeh like the plague (and hence a horrible heart break)
• Staying in my room with Emmanuelle Deleage
• Going after Cyndi Bear
• Eating better and exercising more on campus
• Not taking Math 6A during summer school (perhaps just take English 28B)

1994-1995

• Staying in the dorms rather than moving out
• Taking less units (definitely not taking ICS 23 in the fall) and doing more to concentrate on getting better grades overall
• Not falling behind in Japanese
• Going after Cyndi Bear or Diana Chang
• Not quitting Math 2A during the winter
• Less summer school; perhaps only the English 28c course (definitely not Math 2A)

1995-1996

• Staying in the dorms again
• More focus on Japanese
• Not taking film (can’t remember if it was that year)
• Not giving up on ICS
• Sorry Sharon Ra, etc.
• Not take the psychobiology course
• Make a move on Jeannie Chang

1996-1997

• Convince my parents to allow me to do an EAP to Japan
• Not signing up with that stupid WebTV thing
• Not becoming as obsessed with pro-wrestling as I did
• Make a move on Christine Park

1997-1998

• Not crash my mom’s car
• Live in the dorms again
• Not go to UC Berkeley for ESL teaching credentials
• Not apply to any teaching program in Japan
• Hanging with Yumi Fukawa rather than Michiko Ohmukai when they were in LA

1998-1999

• Not taking the iyou job
• Attempting to get into a real dot com (like etoys) before the explosion
• Search for a job while on my vacation to Japan (hopefully getting into Nikko Citigroup prior to when things went to hell)

1999-2000

• Not losing the good luck trinket at the end of the year
• Saying that I want the easy way out when I met Kevin from monster.com in Japan
• Taking the Java training at USSearch and accepting a fulltime job there

2000-2001

• Not taking the WayAds job
• Not taking the new.net job
• Taking the investment job over in Santa Monica

2001-2002

• Going after the Nikko Citigroup job (and that’s it)
• Not making fun of Mozumi-san
• Going after Yoko Shima, Masami, Keiko, Ayako (the 18 year old hostess girl)

2002-2003

• Make a trip back to LA and help out dad before the stroke
• Supporting Joe Marchak and Urs Roesche more

2003-2004

• Not dating Tomoko
• Avoiding Crazy again
• Attempting to stick it out over at Nikko Citigroup
• Staying in Japan

2004-2005

• Making a move on Miho
• Not applying for that one job in Fullerton
• Sticking with Ticketmaster longer
• Making a move on that Yasuko girl (Ayumi’s roommate) at Soy’s party

2005-2006

• Making a move on Natsuki Nakamura
• Making a move on Yasuko Uchikoshi
• Making a move on Kanako Uchiyama
• Making a move on Tomoko Mori
• Making a move on Takako Itabashi
• Not leaving the architect group at HLIKK
• Not working too hard on my side projects and focus more on quality of life

2006-2007

• Making a move on Kaori Yamada
• Making a move on Naoko Nishi
• Making an early move on Tomoko Takasagawa
• Not screwing up with Miyuki

2007-2008

• Sticking it out a NRKK
• Making a move on Hideko Fukumoto (after learning she divorced)

2008-2009

• Sticking it out with Demand Media longer
• Making a move with Tomoko Mori when she came to LA and not being such a coward
• Doing more to help mom out financially

2009-2010

• Not wasting time with World of Warcraft
• Implement various ideas for projects
• Not wasting time with World of Warcraft
• Work on writing projects
• Not wasting time with World of Warcraft
• Travel the US
• Not wasting time with World of Warcraft
• Reveal to Yoko Shima/Oishi that the reason why I wanted to see her back then is that I really was obsessed with her
• Not wasting time with World of Warcraft

2010-2011

• Finding a job earlier
• Help get mom proper medical insurance, paying out of my pocket
• Making a bigger effort on Yasuko Uchikoshi when I visited Japan

2011-2012

• Helped my mom with her diet
• At least pay for my mom’s blood pressure medicine

This is not an exhaustive list of all things that I would fix. But these are key moments. If 1987 wasn’t possible, I would chose 2002 as my alternative year to travel back in time. That probably is the year I could’ve done a lot more with my life rather than making various poor choices. Similarly, with picking Japanese rather than Spanish for my language in high school. Life really isn’t fair when it comes to looking behind us. I really wish one day some magic portal could just open up and you get to pick the moment in your history to go to so you can fix all those errors.

As a result, I completed another blog that described how I felt with regards to my place in this world. Whenever I think like that, I occasionally have thoughts about religion and metaphysical aspects of life. This time I was thinking about Jesus Christ.

Most people who know me understand that I’m not a religious person. I lost faith in such things a while back. And for me even if there existed a diety of sorts governing this world/universe then this entity doesn’t deserve any credit for the way things are.

Still the thing is that there supposedly was in history someone called Jesus Christ. I don’t have to describe whom he is to anyone. But I wanted to offer an interpretation of his existence in relation to my own.

Some people have proposed in recent years that Jesus Christ could’ve been an alien. Or perhaps an alien abductee. Or perhaps he was injected as a science experiment by aliens. No matter what, the linkage between aliens and Christ is something that is possible. Perhaps, his mission (along with other famous prophets) could’ve been to occasionally guide humans towards a better society. After all, as a warmongering species, we haven’t changed much (if at all).

The basic premise of his teachings for the most part is both common sense and general decency. Whether you’re religious or not, you probably would agree that very essence of what his teachings provide are a framework for engendering a flourishing society. If the earth was just an accident and that a sophisticated group of aliens managed to land here, perhaps they saw potential in helping to cultivate the human species from just the primitive survival instincts that make us no better than animals.

Still, you’d have to wonder if that was the only role Jesus may have been given. Could there be more? I haven’t read the Bible, but it seems as though Jesus could’ve also been an observer of this world, attempting to mitigate on human’s behalf to the aliens (which could be called God to a primitive mind). However, his ending as we all know occurred as a result of some power plays by a fearful government. And it’s well documented how Jesus was “resurrected” and forgave the sins of man at that time.

For the unreligious, most of that might sound like hocus-pocus mumbo jumbo. But if you cleared away the fantastic rhetoric, the possibility of such an occurrence may have happened. Alien technology might’ve provided some mechanism to restore his vital signs. Or perhaps he never truly “died” and that there’s somethings that ancient rhetoric could not adequately describe.

At any rate, my interpretation regardless of the mechanisms is that the event was man’s first major chance at redemption. The aliens or whoever gave man a period to rise above that dark point in history. I feel as though that period is coming to a close.

Why you may ask?

When I question my existence here, I think of myself as another observer. Someone without any true stake in the world because the world constantly shifts me back towards the middle. I am not someone with a great IQ, athletic ability, looks, etc. If anything, I am cursed with perception of things. At the same time, I am not one who people follow around. Despite having good ideas at times, there are few that believe me or provide me with the support to fully carry out my ideas. In other words, I am unable to lead.

And here’s where my most controversial thought may occur: perhaps I am the second coming of Christ. I see certain analogies between my life and Christ’s at least from what I’ve seen. He was a carpenter and I am a builder of technologies (with a general fondness for Lego). He had certain gifts in that he was a prophet. At times, when I speak, things come true. Also, I see him as someone that perhaps was disbelieved by the many until the very end. In my case, I feel as though no one listens to me. When I give out warnings, people do not heed me.

I’m certain many people would think, “Oh, there’s no way Jesus would be you.” But isn’t that the kind of thinking that certain powers want? Institutions who have hidden agendas want to manipulate the idea of what the second coming would be like. People probably think of it as something flashy with lights, a guy in pure white robes, heavy beard and hippy hair. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if Jesus was morphed, given a different name, turned Asian (Japanese to be specific) and lacked the grand characteristics most people would associate with him?

In my case, if that were true, perhaps it’s part of the plan by the aliens to “hide” me until the proper moment. My own lack of awareness until recent years might’ve been a way to protect myself until the correct moment. Such a crusade isn’t uncommon; even in fiction hiding the identity of a special character has been done often (e.g. Aragorn in Lord of the Rings). Similarly, it could be some other institution who is aware of me trying to guide my life in such a way towards the correct moment.

But it really feels as though someone or something wants me to make a final judgment upon mankind. Does man get a third and final chance to get his act together (I type this as some obnoxious motorist outside my window roars his vehicle)? Or did he have enough chances through history to say enough is enough?

Deep down inside you always want to give things a chance for the world to improve. I doubt anyone truly wants to be the person responsible for making the final push of a button. Looking around at all the work done, you realize that it would be such a waste. And you want to see how things progress. Now and then you see hope for a better tomorrow. But then you get a day like today when the world seems to collapse on itself and all hope is extinguished, leaving only a dark dreariness around you.

I dislike looking for signs of things, but I feel as though signs keep popping into my face whether I want them or not. I recall back to the day where I believe I met the devil, several years ago at the little backpackers hotel in Minowa. I will never forget the moment when this person named Kevin asked whether I wanted my life to be easier. Instead, I dumbly replied that I wanted the challenge. I definitely got it and it clearly was the worst choice I could’ve made in my life.

Was it similar to something like the temptation of Christ? Was this person, indeed, the devil or a plant of the aliens? My life forever changed after that meeting. Too much negative things happened to me since then and it’s been a downhill slope from that point.

I really wish there was something that could indicate that life isn’t just coincidence and that there is a reason we’re placed here. At this point in my life, I’m pretty much done with hope. If there is someone out there reading this, reading my mind, looking down on me, please have mercy on me. I can’t take it anymore.

While at the gym doing the elliptical, I was immersed in heavy thoughts about the recent days. An epiphany hit me in answering what some might feel is the ultimate question in this universe for us: why are we here?

In my case, I felt inspired from these events in understanding where I might be situated in this universe. I believe that my purpose is to be an average person, born here to observe humanity and the treatment of each other and myself. I feel as though my birth or situation is influenced by the cosmos as if an alien race were attempting a massive science experiment on humanity.

In conjunction with this, I was thinking about the whole Mayan Calendar ending on 12/21/2012. People have muttered about the various disasters in the world that indicate the possibility of a collapse or some extraneous force that will rip this world to shreds. Honestly, I think those disasters are natural and have nothing to do with the end of the world.

Going back to myself, I do think that if the end of the world (meaning Earth) is, indeed, near, it is because this mass science experiment were declared a failure as my observations may point out. But what do I mean by failure you ask?

My reasoning of failure is the failure of humanity to be able to rise up. Technologically, we have risen to a degree. However, as a species and socially, we’re just upright animals with fancy gadgets. At the core, our social infrastructure is a disaster. We don’t treat each other well, we don’t attempt to strive for the best, we champion stupidity and we shun positivity. Our invention of economics is completely broken. For instance, there was an article describing how some MIT students modeled the global economy and predicted the next depression in 2030. Whether or not the model is correct, the fact is that in looking at the predictions and how they did their model, you cannot deny the flaws in our social system.

Here’s the thing: why should we enter a depression again? Aren’t we smarter? Haven’t we learned? I feel that as a species, humans have not progressed. We repeat the same mistakes. A friend of mine pointed out the cyclical nature of the rise and fall of advanced civilizations. Growth -> economic boom -> decadence -> recession -> fall. Looking at America’s continuing recessions, we can cross examine ourselves just with Japan, who seems like a prophet for this country.

But the problem is right in front of us: we get lazy. It’s decadence. There’s generations that never experience hunger, poverty and only see the boom times. They forget and never learn to appreciate things, figuring that supply is endless in matching their demand. The movie The Matrix mentions this back in the year 1999. In many ways, they predicted the fall of the world in the dot com bust by identifying the peak of civilization. Yet everyone was blind to the core message.

I will say that not everything is dreary. There are many bright spots. At work, for instance, I am fortunate to have the company of wonderful and supportive people. On Facebook, I have many friends who send their virtual support to my mom and me. It’s just a shame that there’s so much other noise in the world. It could be that the average person really are like the people at my work, not malicious, nor selfish. Just wanting to be happy and fulfilled. However, as a group, people tend to bring out the worst in each other.

Once again returning to the thought that I’m part of this experiment sent by aliens, I will say this: if the world implodes on 2012, I won’t be very sympathetic. Maybe it’ll be the aliens providing me with a button and I get to judge based on the way I’ve been treated. My prognosis is that the people of this world do not deserve any more chances. They have used up every single chance to improve themselves, definitely in my eyes.

Is there really much for hope for man? I don’t think so. The way man was constructed was to survive for himself and that’s it. He doesn’t give others a chance because he’s too busy, as a friend puts it, “climbing his own ladder.” Sad, huh? We’re all casualties in this scheme. I don’t need to demonstrate examples of this either. Just look around you and ask yourself who will show up to your door step when you are in your direst moment of need. Instead, people will turn their back to you and forget that you even existed.

The only thing people might do for you is listen to you because your lowly existence makes their existence better. It’s all about self esteem and making ourselves feel better than one another. Anonymity from the internet has proven that once accountability is removed, the true nature of people becomes clear as glass.

I feel as though I’m coming full circle with my understanding of things. Although I’ve accepted the nature of the world, I dislike what it represents. This world definitely needs a cleansing and if it’s my duty to be the one that cleanses it with a single press of a button, I won’t hesitate as I’m ready. Are you though?

• Starting encounters prior to having a full raid. Some of the lower encounters do not require a full raid group but the thing at the end is it doesn’t hurt to have everyone available.
• Staring encounters and then leaving. Basically, your ninja pull.
• Griefers on encounters like Morchak where extra mobs are ninja pulled and wipe the raid.
• Ninja looters that take items for (hostage) trade.
• The ridiculous wait times. Mostly on healers, who occasionally are the ones starting the encounter then leaving.
• Guild groups that need on everything and prevent others from obtaining any loot.
• The DPS kickers.
• The DPS penis insecurity (IRL) meter.
• The AFKers/DCers who do nothing but ninja need on everything when the encounter is finished.
• The loud mouths who won’t shut up no matter what (especially Mondays).
• Roll composition enforcement.
• Impatient people.
• People who just don’t cooperate nor listen whatsoever.

I think Blizzard is partly fixing the looting aspects, which is great in the upcoming expansion. Honestly, that fix is required at this very minute because it’s such a severe problem. I don’t know if it’ll fix every problem but I like the fact that looting will become more “personal” in LFR or raiding in general. That said, the other problems are equally severe and need to be addressed. Here’s a few solutions to the ones above:

• To resolve the ninja puller situation, I suggest making encounters be initiated only by the leader of the raid. If a person has a little flag above their head, they better know what they’re doing.
• Encounters cannot be started prior to a full group. Once a full group is available and an encounter is started, people should not be able to leave until a wipe or until 3 minutes have passed. I mean, if you’re “in combat”, then you shouldn’t just be able to mystically teleport back to your home.
• Kill recount. Seriously. It has no business in LFR. It’s becoming Gearscore 2.0 and we all know that Gearscore destroyed WoW during Wrath of the Lich King.
• Enforce a minimum DPS/healing/action type of thing for looting. This can be calculated on through some averaging of abilities that one can use for an encounter. That way people aren’t just sitting around and doing little to nothing and then receiving loot. This might also address part of the issue of people complaining about lousy DPS in encounters. Even if the DPS isn’t great, you won’t be able to kick people for being undergeared. But you can kick people for doing absolutely nothing.
• A pull meter. I have no other way to describe it but there needs to be a way to recount which people enacted a pull. The problem about encounters like Morchak is that you have excess mobs that can be pulled. Either get rid of them, make them unattackable, or define some mechanism to indicate which player intentionally pulled them.
• More flexible raid encounter compositions. They said queuing up as a DPS was better than before (in comparison to LFG) but I think that’s only compared to the time of tank queues. The real problem I’ve seen is that healers are never in abundance. Although PVE Scenarios are supposed to address the whole group composition problem, raids definitely need to be better thought out so that people don’t fall into one of three categories. And if it still is the case, then permit the types of people required for LFR to be more flexible. For instance, why not provide some mechanic to offset the lack of healers?
• Permitting cross realm joining for battle.net LFRs. I like what they did for LFG so it would be nice to see this feature implemented with LFR as well.

Now, the other issues are more psychological issues with people. I don’t know anything outside of my idea of enforcing some sort of preferred personality type of grouping that will resolve this problem. Obviously, you have battle.net email addresses you can exchange, but because people are together for a brief time, there’s little expectations set where people can create a setting to better know each other. Maybe there should be a tavern inside the game where people from different realms can get together and chat and exchange email addresses.

Seriously, where do these people come from? If WoW is any indicator of people’s alter ego, then it’s a sad state of affairs for the world! Parents should not be having children if they’re raising them to grow up like this. I should definitely grab video sometime now that my system is here to post the immaturity level of people in the game. Hopefully, Blizzard wakes up and will realize that a simple language filter isn’t going to make people behave any better.

That said, I was listening to Tradechat a while back and heard her discuss how the kick option needs to be better handled. I couldn’t agree more. Some people don’t have the DPS that uber elites are expecting. Some people are just trying to gear up their toons and alts but may know the fights. However, kicking a person who isn’t meeting the standards of some elites isn’t a reasonable excuse. It’s even less fair when guildies can gang up on an unsuspecting player.

I think that just the little note box for providing a reason to kick people is completely useless to the game. The ban time amount isn’t good enough either. There has to be better methods for handling this. I do think that kicking people who have DC’d, griefed, AFK’d for too long, caused friction, etc. are proper reasons for kicking. A few of these can be programatically monitored as well so there’s few excuses for Blizzard not to implement this system.

If there’s one thing that Blizzard ought to work on for the upcoming expansion, it’s the community aspect. The community aspect shouldn’t be combat oriented or somehow related to encounter/quest mechanics, etc. Instead, the community aspect should enforce a better mechanism for patrolling the community and assuring that people act civilized. This game can truly bring out the worst in people because of the lack of accountability. I believe that aspect is what is holding the game back and possibly started the downfall of the game.

Some other suggestions for Blizzard: Ban Recount and any damage meter plugin. Some people have said that Gearscore ruined the game during Wrath of the Lich King. I would like to add that Recount is ruining the game now as it simply is a dick meter. LFR and LFG just become sausage fests of people extolling in how great their DPS is. Well, Recount alone isn’t a fair factor considering that many people are attempting to gear themselves. However, when it’s used as a tool to prevent people from having fun and causing friction in the group, then it’s a good indicator for permanently banning it.

People might ask, “Well how do you monitor poorly performing players?” I think that aspect is directly tied to their contributions. Someone told me that Rift did a good job in allocating loot based on contributions. That makes perfect sense and it’s a system that Blizzard ought to implement in World of Warcraft. That ought to discourage people from dying, AFK’ing, or just facerolling a raid. And what I mean by contributions is not just a DPS meter, but how active a player is during an encounter.

At any rate, the community of World of Warcraft isn’t a great one. But things like this turn the image of the game from poor to horrible. I have an incredibly low opinion of the vast majority of people in this game. But this aspect makes me lose hope in humanity.

Now, I will name names in this post. So here are the fuckers that probably kicked me:

Dellerious (Blood Elf Mage)

Tekkzy (Troll Shadow Priest)

Ryukano (Goblin Blood Death Knight)

They are from the Pantheon guild on Thaurissan. So if you see these people in your instance, do yourself a favor and either leave or warn them that you don’t take shit.