Keith Watanabe * NET 2.0

i think i understand it now. i think i understood it before too. weirdness is not attracted to me. i'm attracted to weirdness. i can't stand inane babel of the banal. i need a mental high. while in tokyo i kept looking for normal women to date, but there's nothing that clicks for me. probably because i am looking for something normal. i know i need something normal to calm me down. the angst inside of me only can be counterbalanced by something of equal polarity. the notion of calm would probably generate more angst and disturbance than anything. it's partly why i've been so attracted to Geino in Japan rather than the average woman. the attraction isn't just the looks but something else that exceeds the norm that binds me. there is no real weirdness to me. weirdness actually may seem like normality to others. the notion of stable, calm, and unchanging is the exact thing that unhinges me. i need chaos in a way to be inspired, to work with and to not feel insipid. i think this is partly why i haven't found anyone. it's not that i can't find a nice girl, it's that the nice guys around me have nothing outside of material beauty to stimulate me. the real stimulation comes from the avante garde, the new experience to boost and harvest my sense of creativity.