Keith Watanabe * NET 2.0

went to a party at Soy's the other night. it fucked me up pretty badly. too much alcohol. i practically collapsed around 2 just as things started to get bumping. when i was going home, this girl was at the elevator and practically said nothing. actually, she gave me a really cold stare. must've been one of the bitches Soy would talk about. that along with my dream this morning made me realize that i shouldn't go to another party for a while. i was pretty happy at first because i was with my friends. but as soon as they left, i didn't feel comfortable anymore. more than that though, there was a girl, Mio, whom i have somewhat of an attraction for. but i guess she's not worth my time because her real feelings were stated. it's okay though because i don't think it would've been a good match and this was a good way to find out. still that and the feeling of loneliness made me realize i shouldn't go to parties. i'm not a party guy. i don't have a good sense of being part of society and that i do better in isolation. so i'm going to attempt to live up to one of my resolutions that i made this year at this crappy new year's party by accepting a more ascetic life. outside of the fact that parties cost me a lot of money and how i receive zero return on them made me realize that i do not belong at parties. i don't think anyone really wants me there. i mean, i had to ask for an invitation rather than automatically receiving one. that practically implies my presence wasn't really desired. either way, this is a good thing. my goal right now is to become successful. i read this article about how successful people are often lonely. i need success at this point in my life. but unlike the average peon, i am willing to make the sacrifices to attain my goals. it's funny because originally when i came back, all i wanted to do was just go to hostess bars and parties. now, i just want to be a secluse and work on my home project. i think part of my problem all these years was that i've been distracted by the things around me. i've been opening my ears up to negativity and things that go against my core values. now, i realize that i've been right all along and need to return to what made me get to my current position: raw persistence. no, i'm not the most intelligent person in the world and someone who is definitely not the most popular. so i have to rely on my intangibles to succeed, just like in college. wish it could be otherwise but being God's most hated enemy, i guess this is the existence i have to tolerate.