Keith Watanabe * NET 2.0

this past month was horrible but it seems as if things are getting worse. first, i feel really bad for my father. another birthday will pass and no one is going to be there to visit him. i had another awful dream about my father; it's the same thing, him being able to speak and just crying about how lonely and awful his life was in the nursing home. i want to bomb that place badly. it seems so miserable there. more than that i'd like to personally the doctor who fucked me and my father over on a one way ticket to hell (you know whom you are mr. matsuura). then my job....i'm starting to wonder if it was a good idea in returning so soon. all the plans i heard just went down the drain. my manager had announced two days after i joined and then my other coworker is about to leave. sure that leaves two positions open but it makes me vulnerable. some people wish that they were thrust into a higher level of responsibility. not me. there's higher levels of responsibility that are positive and there's being dumped on your head in a concrete pool. as typical of my life, it's the latter case. on top of that, people have been mad at me. what else is new? my coworker got mad at me last week since i accidentally mentioned to some other female coworkers about his marriage. then today my friend Keiko got mad at me because i was concerned about her welfare. she asked me, "What happened to you?" it's not about me, sister. but see, that's what happens when you're concerned about other people's welfare. then there was that horrible mistake of letting akiko stay at my apartment. she suddenly disappeared after the fact that she was bugging me at annoying times of the day to let her in the apartment when i was clearly not around or sleeping. now her crap is sitting in my guest room. the lesson learned? fuck other people. let them take care of themselves. think about only myself. we're just overglorified animals. in my case, it's that you either keep up or surpass me. oh well. just another horrible month.