Well, I didn’t get my Korean BBQ dinner last night as one person backed out at the last second. I did end up having dinner with another bud and only caught the first half of the results for this WWE PLE while it was happening. For the rest, I learned what happened once I got home from dinner. Needless to say, the things that I thought were going to be weren’t too horrible and the thing I wanted to see ended up being bleh.
Women’s Elimination Chamber Match
Naomi and Liv Morgan would start this match out. Oddly, the best thing that happened in this match happened first where a returning Jade Cargill came out before the cage door was shut and confronted her assailant. Liv pleaded with Jade that she was innocent as Jade initially made a bee line straight to Liv then assaulted Naomi. The crowd popped huge for Jade’s return and she actually did a pretty damn good beat down. The cherry on top was seeing Jade crush Naomi’s larynx in the cage the door. All this happened while Bianca went nuts in seeing her partner get decimated by her other partner while Liv laughed her ass off.
From there, this match took a dramatic downturn as the match was pretty bland. The positive though was not having Naomi to fuck things up in a multi-woman match and there was no Nia Jax nor Candice LaRae since they were next. But that left 5 reasonably capable workers. Bianca would enter and was in a distraught state which let Liv get some offense in. I have to admit that Liv looked pretty good in this match. Normally, I don’t care for her but she didn’t look out of place and works well as a chickenshit type of heel that can sell or bump. She took a nasty braid shot from Bianca on the top of one of the pods that left nasty marks on her back. Roxanne wasn’t bad here but I’ve lost interest in Bayley because it’s obvious she’s the new Natalya of the women’s division, which means she’s going to eat a loss. Alexa is pretty and that’s the best thing I can say about her. With Liv, she’s thicker than Alexa and has developed herself whereas Alexa should be on a different program. She competes with Liv in terms of looks and appearance but Liv at this stage is far better.
Bianca won this match in pinning Liv which was the most logical thing to do because it’ll give Rhea a capable foe. But the booking in general is a mess right now. Rhea came out to have a face off with Bianca, followed by Io Sky, who is there just because she has a match with Rhea in the near future and they needed to maintain the “mystery” of whom Bianca will fight with at Wrestlemania. That said, I wasn’t surprised that Jade made her return and that Liv nor Raquel were the culprits. But Naomi? The only positive by having her be “the one” was that we weren’t forced to endure watching her wrestle. Bianca would’ve been my choice just because I don’t want to see Naomi vs Jade at all. But Bianca vs Jade actually is interesting because they match up well in terms of strength and height. I still hope for a Bianca heel turn which can still happen en route to Wrestlemania. Otherwise, the match with Rhea (because let’s be honest and say that Io as the main event for the women’s side ain’t happening at WM) needs heat. I don’t want to see a bland babyface vs babyface match between Rhea and Bianca.
Tiffany Stratton & Trish Stratus vs. Nia Jax & Candice LeRae
Trish was great here. Tiffany continues to take risks that make me believe she’s not going to have a long career. Candice remains a bland accessory for Nia and the less we say about Nia the better. Someone said that Trish did some move that messed up Nia’s face and I looked for it but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Regardless, Trish and Tiffany won but this was filler so that Trish could show up as a Canadian.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
I described Kevin Owens as the WWE’s version of Jon Moxley except that she tries to be Mick Foley in terms of character. I’ve grown t0 like Sami Zayn but I hated that he’s involved in a street fight that was a garbage match of these two guys enacting out their fantasies of being in the ECW arena. Because it was a nonsensical unsanctioned match, I couldn’t be bothered to pay much attention to this crap. Someone on reddit commented that Kevin Owens only does street fights because he can’t wrestle. See my Jon Moxley comment. Kevin Owens won and I didn’t pay attention. Then in a small night of returns Randy Orton returned to give Kevin an RKO and nearly kneed him in the head when a bunch of useless security entered simultaneously which deflated the crowd. I’m guessing Randy is going to have a street fight with Kevin Owens at Wrestlemania but whatever.
Men’s Elimination Chamber Match
There was some intrigue with this match for me because obviously you have a lot of top players here, each vying for a spot against Cody. Certain people were obviously not going to win. And there were rumors for potential matches that will happen for Wrestlemania. Then there was the talk of the Cody answering the Rock at the PLE. Since that didn’t happen up to this point, it was obvious that they would save the major angle for the end of the show.
That said, the bulk of this match felt flat to me given the participants. Drew McIntyre and Seth Rollins started off the match. Whenever either guy bashed it other near Punk’s pod, Punk would egg the other guy on. Punk was great in terms of his reactions and trying to sell his personal distaste for either guy. Damian Priest came in next and poor Drew ate the pin. They teased a Damian vs Drew feud starting with the Rumble but supposedly that got messed up due to miscommunication when LA Knight messed a spot up. But Drew pounded Damian’s head in right after since he could see his WM dreams fade. They’re trying to do a Bret Hart type of story with Drew but the clear difference is that Bret was a real hero around the world. Drew hasn’t achieved what Bret did in the past so Drew’s story just makes him more like a crybaby, which sucks because personality-wise, he’s the WWE’s top heel (there’s Logan Paul but he’s actually hated)
Logan Paul came in next and objectively I think this guy is a real mixed bag. The announcers try to put him over as a natural given how many matches he has under his belt. But they never mentioned Kurt Angle who was by far the most natural athlete to transition over to pro-wrestling. Yes, Kurt had his amateur background and was an Olympic Gold Medalist, but I’m talking about the other aspects that made him perfect for pro-wrestling. As far as Logan Paul goes, he’s just a spot monkey but he doesn’t come across as truly special nor unique. More overhyped based on his reputation.
Anyway, Drew levels Priest and I think Paul covers Priest. But Punk finally comes out (Cena also had entered but I skipped that part). Punk does hit the G2S on Paul so that it’s down to Cena, Punk and Seth. Seth has to face both Punk and Cena. Once they get rid of Seth, Punk and Cena have a moment. All the stuff with Punk and Cena was really good and you can tell both guys enjoy working with one another. At one point, Cena offers Punk a handshake but Punk gives Cena a hug which is a nice moment as they decide it’s time to battle. The best wrestling on the show was between Cena and Punk. They did some really good sequences too where it wasn’t just reversing things to get a spot in, it’s more reversing moves because they had excellent chemistry. They even got a Hart Attack a la the Hart Foundation double team move on Seth, which was a nice nod to Bret Hart.
Eventually, they both hit a combo of the F-U and G2S on Rollins where Punk got the pin. Punk would get into Cena’s STF and make it to the ropes but Seth was still in the ring to deliver a double stomp to knock Punk out. Cena took advantage of the situation with the announcers explicitly mentioning how Cena was desperate and locked in the submission once again for Punk to pass out. So Cena goes onto Wrestlemania and ties HHH as having the most wins in the Elimination Chamber.
The “Soul” Aftermath
With Cena winning, he gets a nice celebration as he will main event Wrestlemania against Cody. Thus, Cody comes out to congratulate Cena. After Cody gets his entrance, we get a SUPER FUCKING LONG entrance of the Rock with Scott Travis (whom I think is a piece of shit but considering the WWE is aligning more with garbage go figure…). At this point, the Rock effectively asks whether Cody will sell his soul to the Rock (which is the dumbest fucking thing) and Cody literally tells the Rock to go fuck himself. Obviously, the Rock ain’t too happy and as Cena goes to hug Cody, the Rock gives Cena a signal so that Cena can kick poor Cody in the nut sack to set himself up as a mega heel going into Wrestlemania. A long ass beat down goes on and admittedly it was a good beat down except that Cody gets absolutely no help from the back. At least, I would’ve expected someone like Punk to come out to save his supposed friend. Instead, Cody looks like a total chode smoker once again like Sting back in the day because he’s outsmarted.
I can’t say that I’m surprised about what happened but the other thing is that it also doesn’t make a lot of sense. I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy because quite frankly I don’t really care about wrestling as much as I used to. I’ll watch wrestling and wait for something to impress me like Jade Cargill coming back and beating the shit out of Naomi or CM Punk and Cena having an amazing set of wrestling sequences that actually look good. But I’m so jaded at this point because wrestling is for the most part either bland or extremely stupid where the good stuff happens as an exception and once in a while a blind squirrel will find a nut. Otherwise, I’m mostly desensitized based on how long I’ve been watching it.
So you knew something would happen as the Rock would be there and they needed a big thing to occur before Wrestlemania to set the stage. The Rock has been in this weird “is he heel or face?” type of flaky character recently and most people guessed he wouldn’t wrestle at this year’s coming WM. Everything regarding the Bloodline is pretty much dead at this stage except for whatever Jacob Fatu is involved in. But he’s becoming the breakout star of the group. So the only real story going into Wrestlemania with any importance is whom Cody would face.
I said before that Cody is a shit babyface unless he’s fighting the odds. So having Cena turn before the PPV was one of the few logical things to do just because of what Cody needs to make the main event feel like anything. However, there’s a horrible problem in all of this: this is something people wanted a long time ago. I’ve read comparisons between Cena’s turn to Hogan becoming a heel. However, when Hogan did it, it was because people hated his old ass and were already booing him. Turning him heel breathed new life into Hogan for a good 2 years and pretty much was a huge turning point for making WCW a must watch program. Hall and Nash were important too but everything came together at that stage.
Cena turning heel in his twilight years as an “active” wrestler to me is 10 years too late. Whenever Cena showed up, the audience would explode because they knew Cena’s appearances were going to be on a limited time. Even now, Cena supposedly won’t be around for another 2 weeks. 2 fucking weeks as the WWE builds towards Wrestlemania. He barely was around to do anything for the Elimination Chamber which he won. On top of that why the hell would Cena need to align with the Rock when he won on his own? And why turn heel in his last year after all the other work he did?
The only explanation for this that was offered was HHH saying, “It wasn’t expected.” Ugh, I hate that shit. It feels more like Russo bad writing with a gratuitous turn that offers no logic. When Hogan turned, it made tons of sense. On top of that, Hogan gave one of the best promos after his turn to explain his motivations which left a great visual of the crowd tossing crap into the ring. You can hate what Hogan has done since then but that’s one of the few times where the industry changed because of this guy. And you can say that Hogan has affected the change in the industry at least twice in his career.
In addition, Cena and the Rock had been rivals for a while. Let’s not forget the pot shot the Rock took against Cena at his HoF speech on the Marine. More importantly, Cena feels second fiddle to the Rock in all of this. The previous year Cena helped Cody out to win the belt. So why would he want to kick the guy in the nuts this year?
At the end of the day, it feels really cheap to me. This wasn’t like Terry Funk asking Ric Flair for a title shot and being told to get in line to justify Terry’s sudden outburst. There was no explanation offered. And with the supposed 2 weeks of Cena being gone, that means we won’t hear Cena’s motivations unless he does some prerecording. But when you have that big of a turn, you need an immediate explanation. Otherwise, it’s just turning someone to defy expectations.
I did say that I would’ve been more in favor of Cody turning heel and selling his soul. Heck, he even admitted that he sold his soul to the ring and the fans. And they got lucky in getting the crowd reaction from Cody because Cody used expletives. But all of that just is bad writing to me. There’s too many questions that need holes to be filled where you facepalm.
Final Thoughts
There wasn’t much worth watching on this show. I really enjoyed Jade’s return. I loved the reaction from the crowd and the beating she gave Naomi. I just didn’t care for the culprit being Naomi because Naomi sucks. Bianca would’ve been more logical because of jealousy. Also, I think the match between Jade and Bianca would be far better than anything Naomi does. Also, the stuff Punk and Cena did was cool. Unfortunately, it looks like Punk is going to be embroiled with Seth and according to rumor with Roman Reigns. But Roman Reigns was absent here so I’m hoping that it’s just Punk and Seth rather than another stupid three way.
Finally, there’s Cody, the Rock and Cena. First, most of the show felt like a goddamn infomercial. I hated when the WWF was like this by ’95, which is why I think WCW got hot in ’96 once they removed the crap like the Dungeon of Doom and bad Hogan childish skits. However, there’s just long stretches in this show where nothing happened except recaps or mini commercials. There was one part dedicated to the Rock where I needed to shove my finger down my throat to puke out all the wretchedness that I sucked in from witnessing that act of self-felating. I think Cody is the dumbest wrestler around by the end of the show because he was left mute outside of the “fuck off” Rock moment. But at this stage, I don’t care for the overrated Rock.
I’m sure there’s people who will say “just wait and watch.” I am waiting but I don’t know if I want to watch much longer. I’ve got tons of stuff to do and the WWE hasn’t been hot since the Bloodline story finished back at the Survivor Series. The Cena/Rock story with Cody is another version of McMahon vs Austin blended with the Hogan turn. However, it’s not original and shows that perhaps the WWE are creatively bankrupt or just using past ideas to sell something without really understanding the mechanics of why something worked so well.
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